Hang in there!

Hi, It's been a year or so since my last post here.

I am still processing the past few days... It is so sudden and quite saddening to share in this space that we have lost a co-worker...

I am reminded again of how painful it is to lose a loved one.

I cannot put into words how I am feeling exactly... I wish I could but now I could not.

It's past 1:00 AM already and here I am still wide awake. Though I no longer take some coffee, I still could not give up on my favorite green tea. At least it's low on caffeine, right?

This is just a random post, as always I have a loud mind. 

I told myself earlier I will be sleeping "early" but here I am again breaking my own promise. I dread Mondays... T-T 

Will I be able to take the boards this year? IDK yet. Why am I doing this to myself? It is hard. I do not feel happy, but I am not exactly sad either. What is this again? Should I go back and ask my doctor? I cannot go back, it is just too expensive. I am more afraid of the fees than what I actually feel now.

I keep on missing a few people... I have this urge to suddenly cry but thank goodness I can mask this ugly urge. I cannot afford to lose face again just because I am not well. Very few people can and will understand my struggle. That is a sad reality in the corporate world.

I am thinking of leaving all this behind.. I am very much tempted. It is very tiring. I could not even find comfort now in sleeping. I feel this heaviness around me. I am starting to hate myself again. 

But as always, I know these are just emotions. It needs processing and eventually acceptance. I cannot look back to things, situations, friends, and opportunities that have already passed me by. 

Although I cannot stop my self from remembering the past (even just part of it), I can still choose not to let it affect my reaction to the present. 

I have to face the natural consequences of my actions. Both the bad and the good ones.

I will always wish what is best for everyone.

Good night.

P.S. Do not mind the incoherence, and grammatical errors as I am finally sleepy after typing this. Ha!

Thanks for snooping by...

xoxoxo

-mrrryxx