Monday, June 13, 2022

Hang in there!

Hi, It's been a year or so since my last post here.

I am still processing the past few days... It is so sudden and quite saddening to share in this space that we have lost a co-worker...

I am reminded again of how painful it is to lose a loved one.

I cannot put into words how I am feeling exactly... I wish I could but now I could not.

It's past 1:00 AM already and here I am still wide awake. Though I no longer take some coffee, I still could not give up on my favorite green tea. At least it's low on caffeine, right?

This is just a random post, as always I have a loud mind. 

I told myself earlier I will be sleeping "early" but here I am again breaking my own promise. I dread Mondays... T-T 

Will I be able to take the boards this year? IDK yet. Why am I doing this to myself? It is hard. I do not feel happy, but I am not exactly sad either. What is this again? Should I go back and ask my doctor? I cannot go back, it is just too expensive. I am more afraid of the fees than what I actually feel now.

I keep on missing a few people... I have this urge to suddenly cry but thank goodness I can mask this ugly urge. I cannot afford to lose face again just because I am not well. Very few people can and will understand my struggle. That is a sad reality in the corporate world.

I am thinking of leaving all this behind.. I am very much tempted. It is very tiring. I could not even find comfort now in sleeping. I feel this heaviness around me. I am starting to hate myself again. 

But as always, I know these are just emotions. It needs processing and eventually acceptance. I cannot look back to things, situations, friends, and opportunities that have already passed me by. 

Although I cannot stop my self from remembering the past (even just part of it), I can still choose not to let it affect my reaction to the present. 

I have to face the natural consequences of my actions. Both the bad and the good ones.

I will always wish what is best for everyone.

Good night.

P.S. Do not mind the incoherence, and grammatical errors as I am finally sleepy after typing this. Ha!

Thanks for snooping by...



Friday, September 3, 2021

How Are You, Really?

My last post was way back in 2018.

That's pre-pandemic...

Gosh, I have so many things in mind that I want to let out and I'm just stuck. Haha.

I remembered this small blog...a little space for what-nots.

I smiled as I go over my drafts and old posts.

Maybe I should start blogging again.

It's therapeutic. Letting your thoughts flow just like water...

Whether it's garbage or a gem, it does not matter.

On a personal note, I just turned 4 years at my current company.

Whew! I thought I would not last that long... I was once asked how long will I be able to stay (implying I would not be staying for long..), I quipped "Two years!" 

I was promoted here albeit it felt so rushed... I was not supposed to be filling in the position, but I was chosen. I felt very stressed out, back in 2019. I am also still processing how traumatic 2019 has been for me and my immediate family. Few of my close friends even know about what I've gone through... I don't feel comfortable sharing it with them. They too have problems of their own and sharing mine would be adding to their burden...

Then 2020 came like a slap.... so many things I hated have happend. Hearing people suffering, dying, of the everyday drag of hearing the awful news about the governments' response to the pandemic. Constant abuse of power and corruption.

It's too much.


I wish to sort through all these thoughts... I hope I can somehow find relief in writing these thoughts here.

My small space... just thoughts coming in and out.

I feel like crying again but I could not cry.

I'm just tired, I guess.

Good night, don't mind me.

I was just thinking...too much.


Sunday, April 8, 2018

Haul: Shoes - April 8, 2018

I realized I have been experiencing foot pain due to wearing flat shoes almost everyday... 6 days a week to be exact!

I actually prefer flats or "doll shoes" (as most people call it here), but then they do cause me some problems when worn most of the time.

Luckily, some shoes were on sale at my nearby Gaisano Grand Mall. I'm showing you what I got today:

1. GG<5 Black Bow Shoes, Size 6

- Got this for Php229.00 only! It said to be on sale but I was not able to see the original price on the receipt...

2. GG<5 Mint Green (?) Doll Shoes, Size 7

- I'll be honest I bought this because I really like the color, and it was on sale for only Php160.00 instead of Php199.00!

Now for these two pairs to last long, I will be sending these to a shoe repair shop to be manually sewn for added durability. It would probably cost me another Php120.00 for these two.

And that's it for today...haha.

What about you? Have you purchased something  for yourself today that you really needed?

Thanks for reading!

toffeemerry, xoxo

Friday, February 3, 2017

"Green" Haul from Simply Green and Natural Ecoshop (Shopee PH)

This is not a sponsored post.

I am just happy with my recent online purchase.

Here are the items I bought from a local ecoshop called "Simply Green and Natural".

1. Washable Feminine Cloth Pads (Pantyliner) - Php90.00
2. The Happy Organics Insect Repellent Goat's Milk Lotion (100mL) - Php220.00
3. The Happy Organics BALMtastic! (45g) - Php245.00

I also got a mini Milea Tomato Soap as a freebie! Smells like strawberry milkshake?! Haha.

I hope I can put up a separate review post on each one of these soon.

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